I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
