Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
