fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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