Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I want a musical about memes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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