After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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