He is an equal opportunity slut.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
