I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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