You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
