The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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