if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
