I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
