Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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