I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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