yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
