just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
