I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
