My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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