don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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