If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
