I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
