she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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