Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize