i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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