I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
