What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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