you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
