DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
