I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
