By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize