dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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