i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
