i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
