She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
