I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
