why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
