The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
