Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
