he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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