someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
