you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
