Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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