last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
