Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
