mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i would punch a child for taco bell
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
