he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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