I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Still dying that you shit outside
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
