i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
