I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
