Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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