well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
