I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
