The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
