i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
