I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
