Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
