she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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