Nicole vs. Life
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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