At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize