ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
