We're facebook friends in real life
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
