I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
