She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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