ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
