We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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