i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
