I think I am morally bankrupt
and she was petting her beer can
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
