So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize