Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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