I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
