just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Less talking, more tequila
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
