I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
