if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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