maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
