The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize