We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize