I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
