You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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